The jokes
What did the shoes say to the pants?
"SUP, BRITCHES!"
The previous joke was by Sebastian Wittrock, but he put Miguel Roberts as the name.
Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Where did the one legged lady work?
IHOP
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
What’s black and sits on top of the stairs?
Christopher Reeves in a house fire.
What did the minute hand say to the hour hand?
Why are you so tall?
What’s the difference between me and a bakery shop? The bakery shop has cake! 😞🎂
Why did the monkey take his banana to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling good.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Discord.
Discord who?
I need discord to plug in the phone.
Why did they make bus stops? So the bus driver would know where to pick the orphan up.
Where do you go to get the best fish?
A restaurant on the Titanic.
So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"
What did the cow say when it wanted to go to the movies? -- "Let's go to the moovies!"
What was the last thing Stephen Hawking said before he died?
"Windows Shut Down."
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
Where did Sally go after the gunshot?
6 feet under.
*That is how deep they put the coffin...*
"In my opinion, JFK was the best president."
"Why?"
"He was very open-minded!"