The jokes

Your mom has quite the mouth on her.

As I found out last night. Oh, what a night!! 😏 😉 😜

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

Why did the straight white caucasian male cross the road?

Because a black person was approaching.

What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?

The pose!

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

I guess it really IS all in the execution.

What did Spiderman say on September 11th, 2001?

"Look out, Here comes the Spiderman!"

When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein?

Only difference between Michael and Jeffrey is Epstein wasn't a smooth criminal, and Michael was.

Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.

What did the young Taliban member say to the old Taliban member?

"Okay, Boomer."

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.

Yo mama so fat...

...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.

Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.

Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...

I didn’t expect her to come back so early.

What's the difference between Canada and the USA?

In the USA, Trump is sitting in the Oval Office.

In Canada, he'd be sitting in the waiting room of a MAiD clinic.

Why does a kid never come home after a fight with their parents? Because they never found the key to the house again.

What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?

Strong to the finish.

Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.

Your forehead is so big, they used it for the Berlin Wall and the USA border.