The jokes
What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:
The best thing they did was a wall.
Q: What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
A: Leukemia.
Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.
I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back.
Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
Nasruddin Hodja was tilling his patch of land when a hunter came riding up.
“Hey, you!" said the man. “Did you see a boar run past?"
“Yes," replied Hodja.
“Which way did it go?" demanded the man.
Hodja pointed in the direction in which the boar had gone.
The man rode away without a word of thanks, but he was back within minutes.
“No sign of it!" he said. “Are you sure it went that way?"
“I am certain," replied Hodja. “It went that way. Two years ago."
Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not Susie.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
How did the priest know the nun was on her period? He tasted blood on the altar boy's cock.
Bully: You are ugly.
Me: You are so fat, you are the Call of Duty map.
So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...
So, a guy walks into a gas station and walks to the person working and says, "Can I have a Kit Kat Chunky?" So she gets him one, and then he says, "No, I want a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch!"
What is the opposite of salt water?
Pepper water.
Do you know the shortest joke about Titanic?
*Splash!*
Yo mama's so short, when it rains, she's the last to know!
What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?
When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.
What's the difference between a pizza & a person?
A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there?
Not Susie.