The jokes

Doctor, what is wrong with me?

You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.

My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."

What do you call expired milk?

The Milky Way.

What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?

"What hap-HENd?"

What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle?

A meter stick.

Why did the gym close down?

Because it just didn't work out.

What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?

You only see one asshole in 69.

What did the bull say when got hit in the special area? "Damn my bulls!" Ahahaha

What did the frog order?

A diet Croak!

Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.

If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.

Give a man a potato, he is full for a day.

Give a man a poisoned potato, he'll be full for the rest of his life.

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.

Abandon ship!

In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.

It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.

A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.

And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.

Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.

Admins, if you are seeing this, please look in the comments of https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/5d521e61d3e53a06d27bc361/why-are-you-censoring-my-friend-franz.

I'm sorry.

And Sterling has taken a dive.

That's all for financial news, back to the football.

I was Gandalf the Grey.

But now, after just three washes...