The jokes
I wonder why the plane got bigger and bigger, then it hit me.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
What's the difference between the Grand Canyon and a blonde?
The Grand Canyon is a busy ditch.
What would the Mandalorian be called if it was made in an aquatic center?
Mandachlorian.
If my cat were a cactus, doesn't that make him the catus?
Memes
Why didn't the boy want to read "2000 Leagues Under the Sea"?
It was too much pressure.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the side that he was not on.
Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"
The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"
"I hear you asking, 'What's your favorite instrument?' The Trombone."
To spite Santa and Greta Thunberg, I'm burning the coal I got for Christmas.
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.
Why didn't the right angle go to college? Because he had 90 degrees.
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.
Turns out it was the fridge.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. It just "waved!"
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
Q. Why do Skeletons work hard?
A. 'Cause they want the BONEus.
What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?
A fishing pole.
Biggest lie ever told: it was the cat.
Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.