The jokes

I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"

One of the students reported a school shooting.

That fucking snitch...

Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.

Why is the number 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.

I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

What do dogs do when they lose their tail?

They go to the retail store.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

He forgot his eggs.

Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?

The adult person I asked: Cereal?

Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?

The person: Yes.

Me: WHAT?!!!??!!

Got fired from the bank yesterday.

They caught me drinking on the job.

What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?

My stepdad did beat cancer.

What did the therapist say to the rapist yes please

In memory of Michael Jackson, various ice cream companies are introducing the Jackson Chocolate ice cream. It is either 50 year old cream mixed in with 10 year old nuts, or 7 year old vanilla ice cream with 50 year old chocolate drizzled on 4 year old tiny nuts.

Where do orphans have their family reunions?

The graveyard.

What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.

Jack and Jill went up the hill, had some fun, now they have 4 babies.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

120 pounds.

I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

What did the mountain say to the helicopter? Kobee.

Yo mama so stupid, she shoved two AA batteries up her ass and started singing, "I’ve Got The Power!"