The jokes
The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.
Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
What’s the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it’ll be delighted!
Why do orphans always go to church? Because that’s the only place they could call someone "father."
Why was Wet scared of Water? Because he was the water.
Memes
What is the healthiest fruit?
An orange 🍊—It takes Vitamin See!
Your hairline is so far back that it goes all the way across the globe.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic and the other is a priest.
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?
Only one gets fuel.
We spend the weekend getting the poop out!
Stephen Hawking didn't die, he just uploaded himself to the 'net...
You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)
How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.
What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?
Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
Papyrus: Sans, can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human!
Sans: Sure bro, lemme just get on the Tele-bone.
Papyrus: Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!!
Sans: Yea bro.
Papyrus: You know what? I will tell Undyne instead.
If Canada had to apologise for Bryan Adams on several occasions, it's only fair that Americans are tortured and waterboarded for bringing Katy Perry and Carrie Underwood to the world!