That jokes

Eminem: "He don't even know his own father." Orphans: Dang, wish I could listen to that. Eminem: At least you have a rap God to call father.

Why isn't Hilary Duff interested in education?

A. She said that she was not interested in learning about anything that was so yesterday.

Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?

Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.

Off-topic, but why is the picture in the baby category feet? And nasty feet at that? What am I, Dan Schneider?

Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, global warming starts.

Yo mama so fat, even Bob the Builder said, "We can't fix that!"

Call me fat? You call me fat because you think that you’re pretty, but you ain’t. You’re just a musty, dusty, rusty Cardi B.

What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?

Ground beef.

Your forehead is big. God said dude that's bigger than me and I'm infinitely big!

When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"

And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"

And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."

Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."

And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"

And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"

And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"

And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."

It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.

What do you call a phone that talks?

A reader in a leader.

Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.

His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."

Holy cow!

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"

She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD

A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.

First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."

Your hairline goes so far back that it looks like Will Smith slapped it.

Me: And this is the room I cry in.

Date: You've said that about every room.

Me: Correct!

Hello, I am typing with the microphone, euros, hello bro and 0LXDXD bra, that’s funny, and also you are gay. Ha ha ha ha ha, get it done by eight.

How to be a hero.

1. Tie a noose in your front yard.

2. Find and capture a furry.

3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.

It’s easy as 1-2-3!

You really seem like you don't want to be laughing at that rape joke, but somewhat ironically, I'm forcing you.