Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.
There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"
There was a kidnapping at school.
Don't worry, he woke up.
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.
Teacher: Now class, if you are dumb, please stand up. Class: *no one stands up* Teacher: Oh c'mon. I know someone over here is dumb. *waves her finger around the left side of the room* Little Johnny: *stands up* Teacher: Oh, Johnny, you think you're dumb? Little Johnny: No, I just feel bad you're standing alone.
What's that stupid girl in your class called?
Thot.
Teacher: What is the capital of Washington?
Dumb kid: The W???
I will always remember the last noise I hear in my school, "oogga booga motherf***ers," click, boom!
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
A child asks his teacher to go to the toilet.
"Before you go, recite the alphabet," the teacher says.
"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"
"Good, but where's the p?"
"Running down my leg."
A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"
An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.
The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."
History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."
Student: "I need that."
Teacher: Why did the skeleton know the weather outside?
Student: 'Cause he could feel it in his bones.
Teacher: No, he read the weather report, you fucking idiot.
The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"
I told her my mum told me to go to hell.
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?
A pentagon!
(9/11 joke)
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
I was excited my teacher asked me for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.
