Guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud this is the pig I screw when your on the rag and is wife replies that's not a pig its a sheep and he says I was talking to the sheep.
I'm pretty socially awkward when talking to girls so I watched a video on how to keep conversations going. The guy said to try and find things that remind you of something else and talk about that. For example "that oak tree over there reminds me of the one we used to climb in my backyard as a kid. It used to be so much fun...and so on."
So next time I was having a conversation with a girl I saw a red truck. So I said "that red truck reminds me of the time my house burned down when I was 6." She said "oh and the fire trucks came to your house?" And I said "no, I was getting molested in a red truck when my house burned down."
Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. so when i was little, i met this girl. her name was Leah. we were besties for a while until i turned 13. then i asked if she wanted to date me. she said yes! but one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. i was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3
:bully: my mom says im not allowed to burn trash :me: (quiet) :bully: HEY IM TALKING TO YOU :me: are you talking to yourself? because i was listening to music until i heard you
I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.
He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.
I asked "where are you going"
He said "Camp Bin Laden"
I asked "what do they do there"
He answered "they got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus the got arts and crafts."
I asked "what do you mean by arts and crafts?"
He said "see this towel on my head" I nodded "I made it out of boxer jokes"
My friend talking to fat boi : I can order you at McDonalds’. Double Big Mac triple quarter pounder cheese burger
tbh I was not even talking to u guys I was talking to The funny jokes about ariana and people where saying she was adopted so tbh fuck off!
when the french fry was talking to the potato but the potato didn't understand what he was saying. it was because he didn't speak french
Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70 years old.
a guy saw a person with a duck and said "where did you get a pig" the owner replied "its not a pig dummy" the random guy said "i wasn't talking to you,i was talking to the duck"
yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man her bowls fell out
i always say no to drugs but considering that im talking to them rn i probably already said yes
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water. My brother: How Me: You boil the hell out of it.
one day i was at school and this girl had the nerve she told me to go to the back of line i was looking behind me and she said what are u looking for i said "to who u talking to boo boo" like is u you my moma
i saw my girlfriend walking by i told her wow you look so beautiful and then we started to talk then someone came behind me, she said what are you doing i said im flirting and i remember i was talking to my mom and my girlfriend was HER MOM which is my sister but my girlfriend/sister IS MY WIFE but my mom is my wife too looks like im getting a divorced but which one my girlfriend my mom
I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats and I'm like "Water you talking about" =3
