The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “what do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed. Most women can’t pull off sarcasm
what do you do when you get locked outside your house...... you talk to the lock. because communication is key.
2 pedophilles talking to each other: do you got 2 fives for 1 ten?
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you”
Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what”
1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
2. Oh you’re talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back.
3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking. But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?
"Just say no to drugs!" well, if i'm talking to my drugs, i probably already said yes
A guy finds a genie...
He says, "I wish I was better at talking to women."
"Poof!" the genie says, "You're gay!"
F is for friends who don't talk to you. U is for Ur alone. N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.
i was talking to my friend and he said "I lost my virginity to a girl and then she stopped coming to school" and I said "probably because she was fired"
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me*
“What do you call my friend group?* *Suicide Squad*
I was talking to my welsh friend the other day and he suddenly started talking welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke
People with down syndrome have a specific skill only they have, they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I dont think he really gave a dam about it at all.
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. -- I didn't want to interrupt her.
Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex Oh were you talking to me I thought you only talked behind my back Hold still I am trying to imagine you with a personality
Leave a like if your like sex and porn.and talk to me if any question
