Tale jokes

Today was a bad day. First, my ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.

I'm making a new movie, it's called "Veggie Tales." My star actor is Stephen Hawking.

I don't like these Undertale jokes. They just don't make any sense.

A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."

I was in a terrorist a famous terrorist group. No, not the Taliban. We called ourselves the Talabam.

What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?

With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.

I read a story about a rabbit being raised. It was a hare-raising tale!

What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tale? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, "Y'all mutherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit."

Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.

Lady: What did you do?

Man: I took a day off...

There were these three men; their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, they were riding in their car, and Shit fell out, so Manners went out to pick Shit up, and Shut up went to the police station.

When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name, son?" and Shut up said, "Shut up." The officer replies with, "Ummm...excuse me?!" and Shut up said, "Shut up!" and the officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said, "Round the corner picking up Shit!"

Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.