I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
— Wanna hear a joke about ghosts?
— No.
— That's the spirit!
Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.
When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.
Your mama is so ugly, she summoned Bloody Mary.
She handed her an application through the mirror.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
Everything is now so expensive in Africa that witches don’t serve food in dreams again. Am I lying? Okay, when last did you eat in your dreams?
What do you call a devil texting you? Travelers on the way. 😈🤣
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
What kind of bug lives in a graveyard?
A zom-BEE.
My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.
In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked in a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
What goes cackle, cackle, *bonk*?
A witch laughing its head off.
Why can't an orphan live peacefully?
Technoblade: As a ghost, he could locate all orphans within 2 weeks.
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
Yo mamma so ugly that even God said, "Be gone, DEMON!"
