What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
What did the lesbian vampire say to the heterosexual woman after she was done licking her pussy after she was done having her blood period?
"I will be back next month."
What do you find up a ghost's nose? A BOOger.
What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?
Scream cheese.
Death once had a near Chuck experience.
What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from prison?
A small medium at large.
What do you call a ghost's fart?
A spirit bomb.
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.
Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!
God: ok, what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls?
Yo mamma so ugly that even God said, "Be gone, DEMON!"
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
I don't have luck with other angels.
So I just WING IT!
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.
Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.
When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
Once I saw a mirror... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost.
Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.
- wanna hear a joke about ghosts? - no - THATS THE SPIRIT!
