Suicide

Suicide Jokes

Depression

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

Burrito

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

Laugh

If you're here for a cheap laugh about suicide, I'll give you some real killer jokes!

Time

Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.

Shotgun

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

Difference

What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?

When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.

Warrant

Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.

Tax

The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.

Nike

Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."

Hooker

How do you know the hooker killed herself?

She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.

Hat

Suicide isn't funny, but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat.

Bank

Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!

People

The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah!