What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
Suicide Jokes
If you're here for a cheap laugh about suicide, I'll give you some real killer jokes!
Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.
Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.
Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.
Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
What's the depressed person's favorite song?
Van Halen - Jump
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
Suicide isn't funny, but you can spice it up by wearing a fun hat.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah!
Why are emo jokes so infamous?
They cut deep.
Why isn’t the Moon Emo anymore?
Turns out it was just a phase.
How many emos like anagrams?
Some.
What do you call those who remain My Chemical Romance fans?
Emold.
What is the connection between Emos and Darth Vader?
They both dress in all black and none of them has a father.
What do you call flat-chested emo?
A cutting board.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Who cares, let them cry in the dark.
Why did the emo kid leave the food on the table?
It was the Happy Meal.
Anthony went into the bakery and ordered Emo Cake.
“Emo cake?” says the baker. ”What exactly is it?”
Anthony says, “It’s the cake that cuts itself.”
How do you pull an emo from a tree?
Cut the rope.
What’s the similarity between emos and unsalted popcorn?
They’re both white and flavorless.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
What do you call an obese emo teen?
An edgelord.
Recommended: Fat Jokes
What do you call a gang of emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
How are cats and emos different from one another?
The cat still has 8 other lives.
Why does emo get tattoos of fruits on their arms?
They are playing Fruit Ninja.
What will you call Sonic if he’s an emo?
Sonic the Edgy hog.
Why would the emo swallow a clock?
So he could wake up inside.
Why are Emos still around?
Because the suffering never ends.
What is the best way to get an emo off your balcony?
You encourage them.
What kind of bath bomb does an Emo prefer?
A toaster.
What is the favorite game of an emo?
Hangman.
Why do people wish their lawn grass was emo?
So it could cut itself.
A group of friends started an emo salsa band.
They call themselves HisPanic at the Disco.
What is the difference between pizza and emo pizza?
Emo pizza kind of cuts itself.
