Newest Still Jokes - Page 12 - Worst Jokes Ever

yo mom so fat i went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch tv

so i asked for the tv remote and shes still trying to get it

Who is older than twin towers?billy bob the 1th,he was older than the twin towers he was born 3 minutes before the twin towers and still alive today

Best way to trick your friends:

A brick falls out of a plane.

How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.

The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.

Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.

you might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers but in my opinion its emos because some of them are still in the air

best friend *hold a sign up that says "what gender are you"* Me:uh male?.. best frend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"* Me: you silly goose *silence for like three sec* Me:still male though-

A Person that puts a RickRoll in a book is actually the hero we all needed...

Never has a man influenced physics so profoundly as Niels Bohr in the early 1900's.
Going back to this time period, little was known about atomic structure; Bohr set out
to end the obscurity of physics. However things didn't come easy for Bohr. He had to
give up most of his life for physics and research of many hypothesis. But, this is why
you and I have even heard of the quantum theory and atomic structures. Bohr came
up with his quantum theory while studying at Cambridge. Bohr was a skeptic and he
never truly believed in Max Planck's old quantum theory. He put forth the idea that,
going from one high-energy orbit o a lower one, an electron could, in fact, be trying
to emit a quantum of discrete energy. Bohr was criticized for this idea, but he didn't
let up. Soon after, Bohr said his famed quote,"If quantum mechanics hasn't shocked
you, you haven't understood it yet." This quote is extremely famous and has gone
down as the motto for quantum physicist around the world. Understandably, Bohr
never won a Nobel prize outside of physics (of which he only won one). Bohr's still
going strong with his theories on atomic structure; he allowed for 100's of scientists
to fully experiment with the cell and its many components. Bohr was largely on the
run from the Nazi's when he came up with this discovery, which is amazing because
around this time, Bohr's home country of Denmark was invaded by the Nazi's. Bohr
and Ernest Rutherford are given credit, but it is believed that Rutherford decided to
desert Bohr in the middle of their work. Rutherford once, quite famously said that
you should never bet against the wonders of science. Niels Bohr's famous career
never really kicked off until he was forty years old. Most other major scientists were
going all over the world with their ideas by their early twenties. However, in order
to preserve the legacy of Niels Bohr, he has his own institution, whose goal is to
make many more great strides in the field of physics for years. How did Bohr affect
you and me? Without Niels Bohrs' more advanced atomic theory, we might as well
cry over how little we know of the atoms and their compounds. Physics would have
never been such a force in the todays society. However, to this day, research is still
going on to improve and update the atomic theory. Although scientists clearly want
to improve on Bohr's theory, many famous physicists come out publicly and openly
say that Bohr's ideas will never be improved upon, todays society cannot say
goodbye to an opportunity to improve our understanding of the sciences. If Bohr
never had silenced his critics, we would still be following Planck's theories, and
going on incomplete information. Bohr's later life was all occupied when he decided
to go back to Denmark and head the Royal Danish Academy. His main goal was to
tell the world of the of the greatness of the Danish Sciences and most likely educate
a new crop of scientists for years to come. There is controversy surrounding Bohr's
lie during his stint in the Manhattan project. Though he claimed to be anti-violence
and a peace-seeker, Bohr engineered on the Manhattan Project. Though he didn't
hurt anyone directly, thousands of people died. Neils Bohr opened many doors for
you and I in the physics world, he will go down as one of the greatest physicists.

Did you know the Titanic swimming pool is still full?

queen elizabeth died a couple weeks ago im still trying to find the reboot catd

How many dead hooker's does it take to change a light bulb? Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark

First of all, If a Woman Sue's Bill Cosby for Drugging & Rape 50 Years ago, & She Could still remember it, IT COULDNT HAVE BEEN ALL BAD

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?" Kid: "A leopard." Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air." Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

A women brought her hamster to the vet. The vet takes a look and concludes the hamster died.

The woman doesn't believe it and request further investigation. So the vet lets in a Labrador. The dog sniffs around the hamster and shortly after he produces a sad whine, shakes his had and leaves the room with his tail low.

The woman, still not convinced, demands more examinations. The vet gets one of his cats. It walks around the hamster and pets it. After some time it shakes her head and runs of quickly.

"Fine, I believe you now," the woman says, my beloved hamster is dead. "I'm sorry for your loss", the vet replies. "Your bill for this visit will be 1505 dollars" says the vet. "what? 1505 dollars just to tell me my hamster is dead?" The woman says shocked.

The vet replies: "No, 5 dollars to tell your hamster died, 500 dollars for the lab report and 1000 dollars for the CAT scan."

Whats worse than 100 dead babies in a skip? The one thats still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out

I will never forget my grandpa's last words: "You still holding the latter son?"

Why are emo jokes so infamous?

They cut deep.

Why isn’t the Moon Emo anymore?

Turns out it was just a phase.

How many emos like anagrams?

Some.

What do you call those who remain My Chemical Romance fans?

Emold.

What is the connection between Emos and Darth Vader?

They both dress in all black and none of them has a father.

What do you call flat-chested emo?

A cutting board.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who cares, let them cry in the dark.

Why did the emo kid leave the food on the table?

It was the Happy Meal.

Anthony went into the bakery and ordered Emo Cake.

“Emo cake?” says the baker. ” What exactly is it?”

Anthony says, “It’s the cake that cuts itself.”

How do you pull an emo from a tree?

Cut the rope.

What’s the similarity between emos and unsalted popcorn?

They’re both white and flavourless.

What do emo birds call their mouths?

Bleaks.

What do you call an obese emo teen?

An edgelard.

Recommended: Fat Jokes

What do you call a gang of emo kids?

Suicide Squad.

How are cats and emos different from one another?

The cat still has 8 other lives.

Why does emo get tattoos of fruits on their arms?

They are playing Fruit Ninja.

What will you call Sonic if he’s an emo?

Sonic the Edgy hog.

Why would the emo swallow a clock?

So he could wake up inside.

Why are Emos still around?

Because the suffering never ends.

What is the best way to get an emo off your balcony?

You encourage them.

What kind of bath bomb does an Emo prefer?

A toaster.

What is the favourite game of an emo?

Hangman.

Why do people wish their lawn grass was emo?

So it could cut itself.

A group of friends started an emo salsa band.

They call themselves HisPanic at the Disco.

What is the difference between pizza and emo pizza?

Emo pizza kind of cuts itself.

So There was a male whale and a female whale swimming threw the ocean .One day the male whale sees a ship and says "that's the ship that killed my parents" . So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea. The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive so he opened his mouth and went for the man but out nowhere the female whale yells. " HEY!!, I was in it for the blowjob but I'm not gonna eat sea men"