Sports jokes
What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
She keeps on running from the ball.
Don't be sad if you miss a shot when you yell "Kobe." He didn't make it either.
Why are the Chinese bad at baseball?
Because they ate all the bats.
Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
A: One got to finish a race.
I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.
When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?
“Chip Chip Hooray!”
I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.
I was gonna tell you a Kobe Bryant joke.
But it would just crash and burn.
I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.
Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"
Why was the stadium so hot?
Because all the fans left!
An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.
Why doesn't China have a cricket team?
They always eat the bat.