Sports jokes
What's the twin towers' favorite football team?
New York Jets.
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.
2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."
Why can't Columbus be offered a professional football team?
Because then Cincinnati would want one too.
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: They can't run home.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
What’s a Mexican’s favorite sport?
Cross-country.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked. "I'm a Paralympian," he replied. "Boxing?" "No, ... hurdles."
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
Comment your favorite sport.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
Was ist der Lieblingssport eines Deutschen?
What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.
Roses are red, CEO's are white, Patrick Mahomes says, the refs are always right.
I: "Get a boomerang."
Type: "Why?"
Me: "Because for frisbee, you need friends."
I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.