Sports jokes
After 40 years, Kobe finally learned to pass.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport?
Cross country.
My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."
What animal is good at baseball?
A bat!
Why are orphans terrible at baseball? They never get home runs.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is.
Yo mama is so dumb, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Call me Kobe Bryant, cause I'm gonna helicopter out of this one.
There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.
News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestler's legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.
John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip.”
The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip.”
Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”
With heavy breath, John told him, “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”
“What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified.”
“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls.”
Covid said to stay 6 feet... I didn't think Kobe meant it literally.
What sport are Mexicans the best at?
Cross country.
I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me.
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everybody that can run, jump, and swim is already in the U.S.
Why don’t Indians play soccer?
Because every time they’re at the corner, they build a store.
What's a Latino's favorite sport? Lacrosse.
Why don't gays shop at sports authority?
They prefer Dick's.
What's an African's favorite sport to play, but they can't? Water polo.
My friend threw a soccer ball at a disabled kid.
We all yelled "Rocket league!"
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
Ya know, Kobe made a real impact on the earth!