And Sterling has taken a dive.
That's all for financial news, back to the football.
And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.
Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
Let's take a look at the Swedish bench for today's game. $12.99 from Ikea.
And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.
To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
A day in the life of a Biden voter.
$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400..some day. No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages. $15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe. 50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving. Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports. New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects. Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up. Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.
I would make a joke about Kobe, but I don't think it would fly very well.
Why should you not let an orphan play baseball?
They don’t know where home is. 😢
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath.
The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car," said the little boy.
The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?"
"That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl.
A few seconds later, the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?"
"Sure," said the little boy.
The little boy's mother was downstairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there, she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said.
"Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
How is baseball like cake?
They both need batters.
What mountain do people like to race on?
Mount Rushmore.
Get it?
Why couldn't the orphanage win the baseball game?
Answer: They couldn't find home base.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
"Most Deadly Sport"
Playing chicken with a train!
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
Can I make you a basketball cake for dessert?
Yeah, you sure can, but don't be having all your balls in it. It will taste nasty.
Why aren’t Indian Pakistanis allowed in the World Cup of baseball?
Every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
Why does Ama like boomerangs? Because they actually come back!
