Sound jokes
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
What goes zzub-zzub?
A bee flying backwards.
What goes boo in a car with no lips?
What type of sound does your crack make?
Answer: Quack!
What always roars, but cannot talk? What always moves, but cannot walk?
A waterfall.
"Hump a vow, it makes a cow."
trolololololloollllol
Why does a cow love music?
Because it can play a moo-sical instrument.
Why do cows do it for the mooooooooooooooooooo?
Person one: What did the DJ name his son?
Person two: IDK, what?
Person one: Erik (while making a DJ motion).
What does the beet DJ say when he's partying?
"Dance to the beet, y'all!"
So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.
Then I told him, "What are you doing?"
He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.
He then told me how easy would that be?
I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."
I tried to catch yodeling, but he evolved to yodingalig.
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
What kind of pillow makes sounds?
Dad: What do you call a crazy creeper?
Mom: Shit, I don't know...
Kid: Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Dad: That's my boy's!!!
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.
When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.
Serves him right.