SOS jokes

When you end up pregnant...

Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

What do you call a man who likes rape jokes?

A fucking disgusting scumbag with no intelligence whatsoever. If you actually joke about this, you are the reason humanity has faded.

Yo mama so ugly, she had to ask Satan to help her give birth!

Yo mama's ass is so fat it has its own congressman.

Yo mama so stupid that when she went to see Fast and Furious 8, she was bringing her car to the theater.

Yo mama's so fat that the earth used to be flat before they buried her.

Your mumma so fat she takes up 4 seats of the sofa.

Yo mama so ugly, when she went to the ugly club, they said, "Sorry, professionals only!"

Yo mama so old, she pre-ordered the Bible.

Your mom is so fat when she skipped a meal, the whole stock market crashed.

Your mom is so fat she tripped, and I didn’t even laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Saw that shit on Roblox.

Yo mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!

Your mamma so fat Thanos had to clap 4 times.

Yo mama's so poor, she chases the garbage truck with a grocery list.

Yo mama so short, she went to see Santa and he told her to get back to work!

Yo mama so stupid that when the mirror cracked, she tried to order another one.

Yo momma so fat, her ankle broke and gravy poured out.

Yo momma's so fat that she got married to diabetes!