SOS jokes

When you end up pregnant...

Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂

Yo mama so fat and old, she lifted her boob to wash under it, and a pilgrim fell from under it.

So many of these jokes are unoriginal, and you guys need to step up your game.

Yo mama is so fat, when she came on this website, the whole server crashed!

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.

My friend is blind so he can "no see."

Your mum's so fat, she's the iceberg that sunk the Titanic!

Bitches do be so flat, you would think they have breast cancer.

Your mom is so ugly, she's the reason he swerved.

So imagine bullying an orphan so bad they cry, and then you say, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

Why do nuns go around in pairs?

So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?

One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

What do you call a man who likes rape jokes?

A fucking disgusting scumbag with no intelligence whatsoever. If you actually joke about this, you are the reason humanity has faded.

I hop on Clash Royale. I see Mega Knight. I cry.

Like if you hate the Mega Knight from Clash Royale because I really, really hate it so much!

Yo mama so ugly, she had to ask Satan to help her give birth!