SOS jokes

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to straighten her pubic hair and burned her balls.

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)

What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?

Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...

There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"

She replies with, "These are my headlights."

He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."

So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."

Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

Fat jokes and mom jokes😂

1. So fat when she sat on the toilet, she said, "A B C D E F G, get your fat ass off me."

2. So fat, your dad and her were in bed and tried to kiss. He’d have to slap her belly and ride the third wave up.

3. Yo mama so fat that when she went to Japan in a green bikini, they all started yelling, "Godzilla, Godzilla."

4. Your mama’s so fat when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

5. Bill was so fat when he stepped on the scale, it said "to be continued."

6. Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

Yo mama so fat and old, she lifted her boob to wash under it, and a pilgrim fell from under it.

So many of these jokes are unoriginal, and you guys need to step up your game.

Yo mama is so fat, when she came on this website, the whole server crashed!

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.

I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.

Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.

My friend is blind so he can "no see."

Your mum's so fat, she's the iceberg that sunk the Titanic!

Bitches do be so flat, you would think they have breast cancer.

Your mom is so ugly, she's the reason he swerved.

So imagine bullying an orphan so bad they cry, and then you say, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

Why do nuns go around in pairs?

So one nun makes sure the other nun doesn't get none!

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?

One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!