SOS jokes

"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."

Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons.

"My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don’t succumb to his sexual advances, I would have to jump out of the plane."

And his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?"

The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?

Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.

Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.

Teacher: He did not.

Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.

Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.

Suzy: Then you can ask him.

I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"

I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.

The best part? She don't talk back.

Your mom smells so bad she could stun a horse in a field.

Your mum's vagina is so ravenous, that last night we both ended up on the living room floor, with her on top. She was eating my creamy young face off.

Your momma so slutty, she got banned from Heavy-R.

My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I took her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.

Yo mama so poor, the homeless donate to her.

Yo mama is so fat that even CaseOh couldn't bang her.

Your mama is so fat that when she jumped, they found water on Mars.

Huggy's so fat, Playtime Co. had to make him a monument of fatness.

I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.

Yo mama so Irish that she thought the Chicago Shamrox were a Quadball team.