SOS jokes

Person 1 says to Person 2: "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."

So Person 2 says to Person 1: "What's the name of his other leg?"

Yo mama is so huge, when she was born everyone died.

I unironically shit myself. I am so sorry.

I waved to you before, but you never sea me because you're so washed up.

Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.

David: I will surpass Kakarot!

Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*

Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!

What did the boy banana say to the girl banana?

"Dang girl, you are so appealing!" 😙

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.

God being a sniper is so fun!

Why does everyone like couch jokes?

Because they are sofa-nny (so funny)!

Stephen could not click the "I'm not a robot" button, so I guess he is fucked.

Why do orphans go to church so they can call someone "father?"

Your head so big you can wash a big TV on it!

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.

Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

Your mum is so ugly that aliens don’t come here.

My friend thinks he is funny.

He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.