SOS jokes

My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was Spanish for blowjob.

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

Your mamma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get Bluetooth.

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

Your parents are so proud of you. They LOVE you! <3

Your mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, you missed two episodes.

Your momma is so ugly that she went out as herself for Halloween.

I was gonna tell you a sodium joke, but Na, only I thought it was so dium funny.

Yo mama is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.

Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.

Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.

Your hairline is so far back, it was in a different time zone on a flight with you.

Ugh... I hate Anons so much, they're annoying as fuck.