SOS jokes

Your hairline is so far back, even the Flintstones knew of it.

Why are Americans so good at shooting?

We have the best schools for it.

What was so funnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

The bomb.

So, I was walking around the outside of the building and I saw a kid and asked, "Where's your parents?" I love working at the orphanage.

"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."

Your gene pool is so shallow, you could break your neck diving in.

Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.

What's so special about Palestinian sex dolls?

They blow themselves up.

They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.

Yo mama so fat that she was the float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Kermit the Frog!

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.

Your mamma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get Bluetooth.

So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?

I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.

A man was walking home but felt tired, so took a short cut through the cemetery. He then heard a tap, tap, then out of the corner of his eye, he saw a man with a hammer hitting the tombstone. The man said, "You scared me. I thought you were a ghost." The other person mumbled, "They spelled my name wrong."

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

Your parents are so proud of you. They LOVE you! <3