SOS jokes

Why should you always wear rubber?

So you don’t leave DNA evidence.

So, I was walking around the outside of the building and I saw a kid and asked, "Where's your parents?" I love working at the orphanage.

"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

They're making a new Alien movie.

There are so many aliens you can't keep track.

Your mamma is so dumb, she went to the dentist to get Bluetooth.

Yo mama so fat that she was the float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade with Kermit the Frog!

My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was Spanish for blowjob.

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.

I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"

She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"

I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"

Yo mama so hairy that she got a haircut and lost 47 pounds.

Yo mama so fat that when she landed on the moon, instead of saying "One small step for man kind," she said, "One small step for world domination!"

Why are white people so white?

Because they forgot to urine on lotion.

Yo mama's so fat that every time she goes on an elevator, it goes down.

What do depressed teenagers and fruits have in common?

They both hang by something.

My mom told me that Africans don't have food, so I shipped my fat-ass brother.

Why were the World Trade Center so mad? Because they ordered 3 pizzas, but 2 came in plane and 1 went to the wrong address.

Your momma is so stupid, she farted and turned the radio on to cover up the smell.

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

Yo mama so fat that she walked in front of the TV, and I missed a whole episode of iCarly.