SOS jokes

Why is my sister so annoying? Because put your own thing in.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!

So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Yo mama so fat, that’s why people don’t want to marry her, except for fat guys.

Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"

My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!

I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.

It didn't work.

Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.

When the husband said "Is your ass so big?" she said "Because I am holding my shit."

Why is Ollie so boring? He plays board games.

So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."

Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.

Why did the emo swallow the alarm clock?

So he could wake up inside.

Yo mama so small that she tried to hike Mountain Dew.

You know why morning food digests so quickly.

Because it breaks fast.

Yo mama so fat she makes the sun look like a dwarf star!

So a kid was crying... I asked him what was wrong.

I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE!

Yo momma's so fat, she was the iceberg in the Titanic.

My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!