SOS jokes

I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!

I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.

Your mom is so overweight that she broke the stairway to heaven.

Your hairline is so hideous that Derrick White's hairline envies yours.

Your mama so fat, the scale said, "Only one person at a time, please!"

Your friend is so fat, when he took the group pic, he was the background.

The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!

Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."

Ok ok ok so 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.

Is there a really annoying girl at your school and she's so fake? Well, say this:

Me: Hey, I have a nickname for you.

Her: Really? What?

Me: Sweet-in-low.

Her: Why?

Me: Because you're artificial.

Roads be so rough in Oklahoma, I saw a high lifted truck get ended riding lower than a Hot Wheels car.

Yo momma so fat, when she pulled out the chair, it screamed and broke itself.

Why do orphans like Minecraft? So they can build a home...

But a creeper blows it up.

Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.

Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time.

When I got to school, they gave me an Acer laptop, so I went up to the teacher and aced her.

Yo, hairline go so far back they got their own fashion type.

Yo mama is so fat that when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.

Helen Keller is so Helen Keller-y that nobody will be as good as Helen Keller.