SOS jokes

Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.

So I had him bring my wife.

Why are women’s feet so small?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

You're so ugly, you made Hello Kitty say, "Goodbye."

Why are all Asians so skinny?

Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared.

Your hairline is so big, Niagara Falls said, "Oh, looks like we've got some competition!"

Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...

A piece of cake.

Yo mama so fat, when she passed by the TV, I missed a whole season of SpongeBob.

My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.

You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.

Your forehead is so big someone thought it was a billboard.

Russia is so corrupt that Putin was voted most sexiest man.

Why are short people so angry?? Cause they're closer to hell.

Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas, and it's still printing to this day!

Yo mama so stupid, she raised you.

My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.

Why did my dad cross the road?

To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.

When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.