SOS jokes

So a blind man walks into a bar.

At least he thinks so.

Your forehead's so big, it's built like Megamind's robot, period.

I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.

So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.

One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"

Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.

There was a boy named Sammy, and he was deeply in love with a girl named Rayne. But she didn’t notice him or talk to him. But one day, she did, and they end up liking each other and getting married and lived happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy snuck in Rayne’s house at night and kidnapped her, locked her in his basement, and turned her into a puppet so she'd be with him forever and ever. The End.

"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."

Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"

1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!

2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!

3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!

4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!

Are these good?

Your forehead's so big that Michael Jackson could moonwalk across that b*tch.

Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek?

No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.

Patient: Oh, doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.

Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.

Why is America so bad at chess?

They lost both of their towers.

Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.

My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."

So I stabbed him.

Now we wait...

There was a magician on board the Titanic and said that he could make anything disappear.

Once the ship had gone down one of the passengers said to him, "Go on, so what did you do with the ship then?"

Yo mama is so stupid, because when she gave birth to you, she asked for a receipt!

Why is the orange so blind? Because it needs to take Vitamin C!

Why did the orphans like church so much?

So they had someone to call father...

PERSON: I need to go so bad!

TOILET: Long time no pee!!!