Somebody Jokes

somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch

Don't ever tell somebody depressed to try again.

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romnticising their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.. Then you know they're faking depression🙂

If you know it, you know it

Somebody stole my joke

So i stole their spinal cord.

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something. Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.

If somebody gives you Lemons,cut them in half and do the Juice in his eyes.

Somebody keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off.

I think I'm being stalked.

Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They wanted somebody to call daddy

Somebody told another person that they would meet at the crack of Dawn. Lets just say Dawn got very mad.

Stephan Hawking went bankrupt after he found out somebody in his house was costing him way too much money on electricity bills He just couldn’t figure out who

Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep-? Me: I have depression what do you think-?!

Somebody told me to go to hell so I walked up to Donald Trump.

what did the japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody? that is very wong.

The cold winter night there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men where gay but they did not know. Fili: Fili. Kili: And Kili. Fili and Kili: At your service. Kili: You must be Mr. Baggins. Bilbo: No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house. Kili: What?! Has it been canceled? Fili: No one told us. Bilbo: Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled. Kili: That’s a relief. Fili: Careful with these, I just had them sharpened. Kili: It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself? Bilbo: Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that? Dwalin: Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand. Kili: Mr. Dwalin. Balin: Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in. Bilbo: Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste! One of the Dwarves: Get off, you big lump!

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. it was a bar seat. they where able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it

What do you call somebody in America that is smart?

An immigrant.

Jesus shows up and says you’ve got to go to church. You follow him in and under their breath it sounds like somebody says you steal and you say in your mind knowing you have before I’m sorry then somebody caughs and under their breath it sounds like they say again you steal so you whisper quietly I’m sorry... ...then somebody in German says shoot that son of a bitch

Somebody asked Rosa Parks what color the skittles were but she answer everything was black and white