Society jokes
I've been looking for my parents for years.
For the life of me, I can't remember where I hid their bodies.
What do orphans and TVs have in common?
At least one of them has a home.
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
Why can't orphans play Monopoly?
Because they can't put a house.
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
Why is Trump bad with America? Because he made it scream.
What do you call a group of children who go on strike?
A minor's strike.
What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?
I don't worship Jesus.
What was Hellen Keller's dog's name?
Durrrrrrrr.
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
Stop being disrespectful to all those people and their parents. Oh, I forgot, they don't have any parents.
Orphans are depressed, hahaha.
The reason they attacked the towers is because the terrorists thought the towers were giant middle fingers pointed at them. What silly saudis!
I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.
How does a cannibal like his meat?
Human.
Are you an orphanage?
Why?
Because I wanna put my kids in you.
I love Communism.
I figure it's ok to hit orphans.
What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?
Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?
When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.
I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."