Social life jokes

In England, for every church, there are two pubs.

In Poland, for every pub, there are two churches.

You know why they call me 007?

0 girls.

0 chances.

7 restraining orders.

How does Hellen Keller meet men?

She goes on blind dates.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

Your hairline goes so far back, your mom is scared you're not going to make friends.

I just want to say this...

You have NO maidens, (Explosion) No homies, (ExPlOsIoN) And no—please don’t say it! Rizz 😎 (EXPLOSION)

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

I only have a few friends, like if you relate.

Based on a true story.

My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.

TJ's hairline is so far back, his friends don't even want to talk to him.

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.

Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.

I don't see why people say that emo kids don't like to hangout.

I saw them hanging all day.

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Answer: The mosquito stops sucking if you slap hard enough.

What do you name a family reunion of an orphan?

"Me time."

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

Me and 1/2 of my friends.