New Social Life Jokes

You know why they call me 007?

0 girls.

0 chances.

7 restraining orders.

How does Hellen Keller meet men?

She goes on blind dates.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

Your hairline goes so far back, your mom is scared you're not going to make friends.

I just want to say this...

You have NO maidens, (Explosion) No homies, (ExPlOsIoN) And no—please don’t say it! Rizz 😎 (EXPLOSION)

Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

I only have a few friends, like if you relate.

Based on a true story.

My girlfriend sent “a let’s break up text” right when I was done editing our pics.

TJ's hairline is so far back, his friends don't even want to talk to him.

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

Don't take my posts seriously, take them like your ex took you—as a joke.

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.

I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.

Why does the basketball never get a date?

Because they dribble.

I got up one day; my neighbor was in my house and was going to take me and my mom out. I showed my mom and my neighbor a trick. They both liked it. I asked my neighbor, "Do you know any tricks?" He said, "Yes, in matter of fact, I could tell you what your mom had for breakfast." I said, "How?" Well, my neighbor licked my mom's ass and ate her pussy out in front of me. He told me my mom had pancakes. So we were in the car; I asked my neighbor, "How did you know what my mom had pancakes for breakfast?" My neighbor said, "Well, that is what your mom made me while we were waiting for you to get up."