Have you heard about the new cereal? It's called "Prostituties". They don't snap, crackle or pop, but they sure do bang!
You so far thanos had to snap 3 time s todestroy you
The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.
Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.
One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!
He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!
Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"
He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.
The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.
"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"
"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."
The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"
"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."
Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.
Trump's cabinet are like panties. Some crawl up your butt, some snap under pressure, & some actually cover your butt when you need them..
They told me Avengers: Endgame was going to be 3 hours long, but honestly? I felt like it was over in a SNAP....
Your mom is so old she turned to dust before Thanos snapped.
SPOILER ALERT... I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T___ S____ snapped it away!
Why did half of the world not see Avengers: Endgame?
Cause half of them were Thanos snapped in Avengers: Infinity War.
yo mama so fat thanos had to snap twice
2019, where you can change your gender at a snap of a finger
What did thanos say when he snapped his finger - another one bites the dust
Go commit Thanos finger snap.
What's Thanos' favorite game? Half-life
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Thanos snapped.
Whats black, white, and red all over? a penguin in a blender
Whats all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender
Hate me all you want but I rather love bullying in all fairness, I love to watch all the loner kids being abused while simultaneously making a prediction for when which one of them will finally snap and shoot up the school.
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel - Crackling of fire - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you - Cats purring
