Why can't orphans go on an away trip? Because they already are on one.
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
What type of jam can you not eat?
Traffic jam.
That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there's somebody inside.
So I was sitting on the couch with a woman, and I asked her, "Does this napkin smell like chloroform?"
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.
A horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
I left my dog at home once and when I came home it was a mess, lets say I was in a RUFF situation
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
My life is a joke.
What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?
A bolder choice.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
I love how in horror movies the person calls out, "Hello," as if the psycho will answer, "Hey, what's up? I'm in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?"
How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?
You wave at him.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
wyatt is a guy who still doesn't have a girlfriend because he didnt sit with yanely and jasmine at lunch. funny joke huh
