Sister jokes

Why can't you hear the pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.

Me: What did my sister do when she dressed up as Elsa and I gave her a balloon?

You: What?

Me: She let it go, let it go!

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

Parent: Have you seen your sister?

Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

My sister looks like Santa Claus.

"You are so pretty?"

"No, too many people!"

Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister.

What do you say when you sister's annoying you?

Go oasis (go away sis)!

I'm dyslexic. My sister was reading, "What's the book?" I asked. She showed me the cover. "You reading 'The Scared Bull'?" I asked. She started laughing. "No, 'The Sacred Bull'!"

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

When she says "parents aren't home" so you rush upstairs.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Terrier.

Terrier who?

Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!

What should I call a burger?

A cow burger.

My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.

Your sister is so short, she needs to roll up her panties.

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.

What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"

Sometimes I look around and all I see is two fat cheeks in my face and say, "Too mushy apples."

One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...