My Girlfriend asked "why is this test so long and hard?" I then said "you know what else is long and hard..." She was amazed!
Yo mama so fat that she’s social distancing from herself
Yo mama so fat she went to the moon without leaving earth
Ur mum is so fat, that when she walked past the television I missed a whole series of SpongeBob
ur mum is so stupid when she went on ur phone it got fat.
If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?
So do you guys know those waterslides that you stand in, and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? If not, look them up on YouTube, there's nothing like them.
Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of these. I feel that my mental/emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gem.
At the time my girlfriend, now Fiancée, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member/friend could get into the waterpark for free, so one hot summer day she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day.
While we were there, I discovered one of there most "Thrilling" looking waterslides. Basically you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button and this slide drops you straight down a good 90 FEET, before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now I'm a pretty big heavy guy, so I was like "That's uncomfortable as fuck, I'm not doing that". So there I was standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button, the bottom opens and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my ass, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I have ever made.
Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice warm stream of water mixed with shit, and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my ass faster than the Steamboat Geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom, with a trail of shitty water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day :'), but man was my asshole clean after that!
Moral of the story: Keep your damn legs crossed on waterslides.
Same thing goes when you are at bible study with a handsy priest.
How did the rape victim on a diet lose 21 grams? She died
A girl came to my house she said where’s your parents I started crying
Ur mama so ugly when she went to the circus they thought she was pennywise mom.
It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure
A man marries a blonde chick, live a happy life together and the man asks his wife if she wants kids she says "yes". So, a couple years go by, they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question"
I went home to my girlfriend, with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
"my friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat and what happens next is really weird"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""the tongue gets stuck were his throat and starts to guh-gugh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever Again..:/
Your mom is so old she walked into an antique store and they kept her
Your mom is so dumb she called me asking for my phone #
My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide so we made it double
Yo mama so fat when she had an interview for nasa they said we dont hire planets
Image you ask a girl out in braille.
And she leaves you on felt
jo mama so fat she thought saturn was des nuts
I’m enyaw and I fancy my pe teacher she is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank I always watch her bc I am a creep I live at school under the stairs but I also try follow her home and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door
