Ur mom is so fat that when she came to the front door, she was already at the back door.
Yo mama so fat, when she was just there, she made the whole earth go back to the ice age!
Did you know Helen Keller had a dollhouse in her backyard? No, and neither did she
My sister’s birthday is on 9/11. When she opened her presents, she jumped up with an explosion.
Your sister is so ugly that she made an onion cry
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
Yo mama so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
I was at work and then a little kid came up to me and she said, "What happened to all the parents?" She sounded so confused, so I told her, "It's only yours, kid, they left you on purpose." She cried. I felt bad for a second and thought, oh well, time to get back to my job at the orphanage.
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
Why were her hands purple?
She heard it through the grapevine.
Teacher: "I'll call your mother."
Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."
Your mama was so fat that she sunk the titanic
Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.
Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.
First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
