One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Yo mama is so stupid, when she took a trip to Disneyland and a sign on the highway said “Disney left,” she went home.
Yo mama is so old, I told her to act her age, and she died.
Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
Yo mama is so skinny, she can dodge raindrops.
Last night I was watching a Scotland Christmas movie...
And the part when Mary tells Joseph that she is pregnant, Joseph was surprised, and he exclaimed, "Jesus Christ!!!" I immediately stopped watching and changed the channel.
My sister\ see you at home in about a hour Me\ okay My sister\ Sister where are you 'She looks out the window' Me\ Sis im here cant you see me? Sister\ OMG SHES DEAD Me\ yea i know but cant you see me?
Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
Yo mama is so fat she had to snap his finger twice
Why did the oxygen molecules walk out of the singles bar with excitement?
Because she got Avogadro's number!
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
Yo mama, is so fat when she sat on Walmart she lowers the prices
Did you know Helen had a playhouse in her backyard, neither did she
I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"
And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"
And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
Awww gwen thinks she has a bf! o wait know ya don't! she is just some loser ass bitch who could be a ho you don't know, he was mine and I want him back!
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.
The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.
One day I got home and told my girlfriend, "I cheated on you." She replied with, "F**k you!" I then said, "But you won't, that's why I cheated on you."
