Sexuality jokes
An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
What's something you can say in church and while having sex?
I come in the name of the Lord.
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
What do you call five Black people having sex?
Threesome.
If her internal clock can tick, she can sit on my dick.
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.
How do you know you had a gay cookout?
All the hotdogs taste like ass.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?
Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
Why do gay men hate periods? Because they per Collins.
My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.
"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."
What do you call lesbian sex during their period?
A blood transfusion.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.
Why do vegans like to make their food look and taste like meat?
Same reason lesbians use strap-ons. They still like putting meat in their hole, but they don’t like where real meat comes from.
What’s another term for a lesbian?
A vagetarian.
What do LGBTQ folk and folk with scoliosis have in common?
None of them are straight.