Services Jokes

Why do orphans go to church? Because they can finally call someone "father."

What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

Why did the Secret Service detain Johnny Depp at the White House?

Because he was about to kick the cabinet.

Why do prostitutes love servicing zombies? They always leave a tip.

They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love. I had to pay a hooker for, twelve hours work. ... I felt nothing, but its was nice, being with someone who felt the same.

What do Painters and Prostitutes have in common? They're both paid for a good finish..

Why Did Michael Jackson call Boyz 2 Men ? He thought they were a delivery service

Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out boys 2 men wasn't a delivery service

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?

I've been raped

Hi, welcome to David’s sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?

What is black smells bad and long? Line to social services.

Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your hair color is fabulous. Woman: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.

Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Go back to sleep.

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Woman: I hate you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking".

I went to the local butchers and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer"

"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.

The butcher says "I had to fire her too"

Alternative punchline:

I had to all social services, she was only 14

Hi! Welcome to Papa John's abortion clinic where yesterday's meat is todays treat. How may I be of service?

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?" Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"