Self pleasure jokes

Pulled pork? Yeah, I cranked my hog today, too.

What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.

Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.

I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".

If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".

If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".

I'd make a masturbation joke.

But they always get out of hand.

Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?

Masturbation is better than rough sex.

I've been doing sex moves on myself so I can be ready when I have sex, and by far the funniest thing to do is finger my butt. I go 2 handed sometimes.

I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.

Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.

I suck my dick.

Orgasm means two things:

1. During you masturbate.

2. You torture phantoms.

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?

What does a baby in a blender look like?

I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.