Self pleasure jokes

I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".

If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".

If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".

What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.

Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?

What does a baby in a blender look like?

I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

I'd make a masturbation joke.

But they always get out of hand.

Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

Pulled pork? Yeah, I cranked my hog today, too.

Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That's the best I've done so far.

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!

Did you ever receive an anonymous blowjob from another male under the handicapped stall inside the public men's restroom at a rest area and did you have an orgasm and was it the best orgasm that you ever had?

I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.