Self pleasure jokes
I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".
If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".
If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".
What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
Pulled pork? Yeah, I cranked my hog today, too.
Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?
If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That's the best I've done so far.
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
Did you ever receive an anonymous blowjob from another male under the handicapped stall inside the public men's restroom at a rest area and did you have an orgasm and was it the best orgasm that you ever had?