Dad: johnny! johnny! Little Johnny: Yes Papa? Dad: Did you hit your brother? Little Johnny: no papa! Dad: Telling Lies? Little Johnny: No Papa Dad: Let Me See Your Fist Little Johnny: Ha Ha Ha Dad: What Is So Funny? Little Johnny: You Are Dad because I DON'T HAVE A BROTHER Dad: >:( Little Johnny: WHAT ITS TRUE Dad: you do have a point there johnny Little Johnny: Love You Dad Dad: Love you too son
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
Two nuns walk into a liquor store and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had. The clerk replied "Heck no sister, you nuns and aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son it is not for us you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation." The clerk said "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!" One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?" "This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world.", says Johnny. The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny and says, "Now you know that's not true son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy." Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true. But one drop of this on a cats ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them
Why do orphans want to die Because they might see there parents in heaven
Why do a orphan starts with an "O" because they Only see there parents in their dream.
little johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it and it said take 1 god is watching. He continues walking and sees a bowl of cookies that said take 1 please so little johnny made his own note and he wrote take as many cookies as you want god is watching the apples
Are you the sun I can see from a mile away
When someone says: your are a mistake. say the only mistake I see is right in front of me.
I don’t see why people say that emo kid doesn’t like to hangout I seen them hanging all day.
911 I JUST CRASHED MY CAR I THINK ITS BURNING I CAN'T SEE IT HURTS TO BREATHE
*COUGHS ROUGHLY* OH MY GOD IT HURTS SO MUCH I CANT SEE IT BURNS HELP !!! HELP !!! HELP !!! HELP *Weakly* !
Me: hey do you want to see my grandma. Friend: yeah sure Me: *pulls out gun*
Yo hairline so bad when people see it, they turn to stone.
GI Jane 2 can't wait to see it
A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "did you see that?" She says "yes", so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks "did you see that?" "No but my wife did!" The husband said.
My friend”hey i see dwarf me” where friend” in front of me
My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “We'll see about that.” Then I unplugged his life support.
An orphan thinks he finally sees his mom but then he realizes it's air.
