Seconds Jokes

small word of advice:Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love cuz they may be gone by then, you don't realize but every second there is someone who dies and it just could be your loved one.

What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?

Kermit in a car crash.

Every second, 1 kid gets diagnosed with homework.

My dad died in 911 and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane next to soul plane

What does a clock do when he's still hungry?

He goes back "four" seconds!

it took me 9.11 seconds to realize

What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed Will there be seconds

There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.” The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!” The third blonde says “so we go at night.”

Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE! Doctor: sit down for a minute.

What did the terrorist think to himself seconds before hitting the tower? “Did I leave the stove on?”

2 scientists walk into a bar, the first one says "can I have a drink of H2O?" then the second says"can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies

I was the second worse thing to happen to those orphans

technoblade: i'm the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans. quackity: what is the first thing to ever happen to the orphans??? technoblade: quackity..... their orphans. (disclaimer: not funny xD)

3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a pineapple!”

There were three boys on the top of a slide. The first one went down yelling “gold!” and landed in a pot of gold. The second boy went down and shouted “pillows!” and landed in a heap of pillows. The final boy went down and shouted “weeeeeeeee!”

A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him, the first man says, " I have been waiting to cross here for ages, its impossible to cross " the second man says, "there is a zebra crossing up the road", he said, "I hope he is having better luck than I am".