Say jokes

What did Google Translate say to Siri?

"Why are you so Siri-ous?"

What do you call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do?

Wrong.

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?

What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."

When you see a deer, what do you say?

"Oh deer!"

What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."

What did the white girl say to the black girl?

"Where's the back?"

What did the penis say to the condom?

"Cover me, I'm going in!"

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."

The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.

Person: I'd really like it if you'd stop saying my name all the time.

Random Person: Cheesus! That hurt!

Person: SERIOUSLY!?!?

What did the boy say to the girl? "Damn! You pissy, stank!"

What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?

"That hit the spot?"

What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam.

What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?

-"I want my quarterback."