Say jokes

When I was in high school, me and my friends would play with this girl who had Down syndrome.

We would get into a circle around her and say, "Nightmare, nightmare!"

So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."

And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"

Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"

Q: What did Darth Vader say to his smashed wristwatch?

A: I find your lack of face disturbing.

So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."

What does Helen Keller say when she touches a basketball?

Duhhuuughhhr.

If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".

But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.

I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."

A man gets captured by cannibals.

Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."

What did the teacher say to the student?

Orange you glad to see me?

So, a guy walks into a gas station and walks to the person working and says, "Can I have a Kit Kat Chunky?" So she gets him one, and then he says, "No, I want a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch!"

What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?

"Let us prey together."

There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."

A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"

What do you say after you go out for middle eastern food? I falafel (feel awful)!

There is a man and a woman on a date.

The woman asked what kind of things do you love?

The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.

Santa Claus walks up to three little girls and says, "Ho, ho, ho!"