Say Jokes

What did the mom say to her house? "I love you"

Whenever you wanna roast an orphan, say "yo mamma".

What did the cop say to the muslim breaking the law?

"That's against th-Allah (read like da-law)."

What did the man say to the girl?

You just milked a cow.

Q: What did one koala say to the other? A: How's it hanging? 😂

If you ever get bored, tell an orphan to take two days off their calendar. If they ask why, say, "Because you're missing Father's Day and Mother's Day."

Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,

"Thank you for your donation!"

They say I'll mess up my insides, but I don't have any.

Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"

What did the orphan say to the crippled man?

I suffer from crippling depression.

When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.

What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "I've got a bone to pick with you!"

That was a real rib tickler. I've got a skele-TON more of the skele-PUNS!

Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.

The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”

As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.

What does the cannibal say when he jumps into the pool?

CANNONBALL! P.S. I made this myself.

There is a really, really small guy and his name is Adam, so I say, "Hey, look, it's an atom!"

I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"

A priest is drowning in a river. A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said, "Leave me alone, God will save me." The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that God will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God said, "I sent you three f***ing boats and you didn't take them!"

A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor!"

This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"

The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.