Same jokes

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

Orphans and homeless people are the same thing.

I followed the sun for a day (stood there at noon). I found myself at the same spot.

Throw a plate.

It’s broken, right?

Say “sorry” to it.

Did it fix back?

No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)

If you have a twin sister, do you have the same name? Only if your mom and dad give you the same name.

A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"

He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.

The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

A young orphan boy goes to school for the first time. A bigger boy comes and punches him. He says, "What are you gonna do, cry to your mommy?" The boy cries.

Next morning, he wakes up and comes to school. The same thing happens, but the older boy brings his friends. This time, after he says, "You gonna tell your mom?", the little boy says, "Yes, I will tell them that there is company coming over."

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

I refuse to go bungee jumping. I was brought into this world from broken plastic, and I REFUSE to die the same way.

The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.

Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

Man's friend: Same.

Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

Man: Oh great heavens!

Why don’t I shut myself all the time?

I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.

Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?

They have the same hitbox.

If you kill a killer, the same amount of killers in the room stays the same.

What's the difference between your mom and a troll?

Nothing, they both look the same.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and a cow?

You can't milk the same cow for 15 years.

An apple and an emo are at the top of a tree, they both fall at the same time.

Who hit the ground first?

The apple won because the emo had forgotten to connect the internet.

What makes laissez-faire and a gangbang the same?

Not my problem.

One morning I saw three kids were bullying one other kid because they didn't have a dad...

Later that day the three same kids were walking toward an orphanage. :)