Russian jokes
Dmitri! Where's my vodka?
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.
Why is the Azovstal Steel Plant important to the Russian?
Because it stores Zelensky's balls of steel!
Russians be like: "bfddrhnnkhsaxbjk speak English!"
"Russian" twists into a ditch, dead!
Putin be like, Finland and Sweden are bullying me with NATO, the same NATO that can't even reload a gun! Russians are pussies!
"Boiled ham" is what you call a dead Russian.
White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?
A dead Russian is Trump's accountant.
What's blue, red, and white and dead all over?
Trump's dead Russian mates.
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.
Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!
Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"
I was in Russia at a stand-up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin, but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice, though.
What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?
An AK-46.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!
I've got an impressive record at Russian roulette. Retired after one loss ever.
Have you ever seen that weird ad that pops up at the bottom: sexy Russian babes looking for men older than 30, and they're 18, so is it a reverse pedo? Oh well.
Q: Name a murderer?
A: Jews: Hitler. Russians: Stalin. Chinese: Mao. Americans: Bin Laden. Aborted fetus: My mom.