Religion Jokes

Some of you need to go to church. I don't want you in hell with me.

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"

Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."

Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"

The Demon when it gets summoned to earth only to find out it was a spelling mistake in Latin class. 😬

What's a reversed exorcism?

It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.

What is a reversed exorcism?

It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.

What do Priests and School shooters have in common?

They both blast little kids in the face.

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.

"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest.

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, next I can become Bishop," said the Priest.

"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.

"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop," said the Priest.

"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated, replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."

"And then?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"

"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"

Why did my dad bring a bomb vest to fit in with his Taliban brothers?

So the Devil decided to go to McDonald's and grab some lunch. What does he get?

A hot and spicy McChicken and three six-piece nuggets.

7 year old Christian: *walks up to atheist menacingly* YoU nEeD sOmE jEsUs SaViNg!

Atheist: You prey to a Jewish zombie and I need saving?

In the Bible, it says Jesus died for our sins, but he came back to life, so what did he sacrifice?

Was it a weekend to wash away our sins?

What did the 3-year-old boy say to the priest?

"My bum hurts."

Yo mama so OLD...

Her first Christmas... WAS the FIRST CHRISTMAS!

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

Your forehead is big. God said dude that's bigger than me and I'm infinitely big!

Why did the orphan go to church?

To finally call someone father. 😂😂

What do you call a Muslim with Tourette’s? A ticcing time bomb.

What did the priest say to the skunk?

Let us spray.

Guys, we gotta stop telling these jokes. They are getting out of h- oh wait no .... Continue.

Yo daddy so stupid, he threw a Father’s Day party at the orphanage.

What did the Catholic priest say to the other Catholic priest as they entered the orphanage? Let’s us prey.