Red jokes
One day, two friends found a treasure map. So they decided to try to find the treasure.
After several hours they found the treasure. It was a suit that gives the person wearing it super strength. One of the friends wore the suit and hugged the other friend. They were both red.
Teacher: Describe a penguin.
Student: Black, white, beak.
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
What did Mickey Mouse and Michael Jackson have in common?: (What *didn't* they have in common)
Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces.
What do you call a baby with red on it?
A baby in a microwave.
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
Roses are red, That's a tin can, You have no home, So get in the van!
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
True Story of Little Red Riding Hood.
The big bad wolf told Red Riding Hood to strip. He looked at her pussy and said, "Now I will fuck you!"
Red pulled out a shotgun from under her coat and said, "Oh no you're not. You're not, you're going to eat me just like it says in the book!"
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
What is black and white and red all over? A newspaper.
How fast did Little Sally paint the barn red?
As soon as the bomb exploded on her.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!
Roses are red, I reload fast...
I'm gonna pull up to your school, bitch you better run fast!
Roses are red. He shows no remorse.
Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, We're breaking up because I never loved you.
What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head!
A guy once went hunting at a hunting ranch. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in the rancher’s living room. There they were having a grand ole time then the rancher’s wife walks in. The hunter says, “That’s a nice piece of ass you got yourself there.” The rancher replied with a harsh, raspy Southern chuckle from years of Marlboro Reds, “You’ve never been so right in your life. Honey, why don’t you show our guest your tits?” She agrees and shows the hunter her plump DD cup breasts.
The hunter says, “Nice.” Then the rancher said, “Show ‘em yer pecker now.” She agreed and whipped out a 13 incher. Dazed and confused, the hunter says, “What in Sam Hill is that?!” And the rancher replied, “Now... lemme tell you... there ain’t a thing like it.”
Roses are red, That much is true, But violets are purple, Not F***ing blue!