Red jokes
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
What is black and white and red all over? A newspaper.
How fast did Little Sally paint the barn red?
As soon as the bomb exploded on her.
Roses are red, Violets are red, Sunflowers are red,
HOLY SHIT, MY GARDEN'S ON FIRE!
Roses are red, I reload fast...
I'm gonna pull up to your school, bitch you better run fast!
Roses are red. He shows no remorse.
Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, We're breaking up because I never loved you.
What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head!
A guy once went hunting at a hunting ranch. After a long day of hunting, the hunter enjoys a couple of cold ones in the rancher’s living room. There they were having a grand ole time then the rancher’s wife walks in. The hunter says, “That’s a nice piece of ass you got yourself there.” The rancher replied with a harsh, raspy Southern chuckle from years of Marlboro Reds, “You’ve never been so right in your life. Honey, why don’t you show our guest your tits?” She agrees and shows the hunter her plump DD cup breasts.
The hunter says, “Nice.” Then the rancher said, “Show ‘em yer pecker now.” She agreed and whipped out a 13 incher. Dazed and confused, the hunter says, “What in Sam Hill is that?!” And the rancher replied, “Now... lemme tell you... there ain’t a thing like it.”
Roses are red, That much is true, But violets are purple, Not F***ing blue!
A redhead, a dark-haired woman, and a blonde walk into a bar and agree to fly to the sun!
The blonde states, "I agree, let's leave at night!"
My cat is red and brown and her bones are crunchy, so does that mean she is a Kit Kat?
Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.
What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.
What is Green and Red and goes round and round?
A frog in a blender.
(this next one is pretty bad, and I don't mean it, so don't get offended)
What's the difference between a Mexican and a park bench?
One can support an average family.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
Roses are red, violets are blue, My heart is dead, I’m such a fool.
Roses are red, my blood is too. I see a lot when I lost you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Cause comes near my Willy.