That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.
“Just say NO to drugs!” Well, if I’m talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad ... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
Breaking news man with altiemers forgets he’s blind and recovers form visual impairment
Your friend lost his left arm and After getting Out of the hospital you ask him if he’s OK He says yeah I’m all RIGHT
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer
If I was a raped victim , would silence be the best medicine?
What's young, red and hot ptsd?
Prince Andrew victims
As I’m lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:
Angel: This won’t last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.
Devil: Did she just twitch?
A: No. She didn’t twitch.
D: I think I saw her finger twitch.
A: Well, even if it did, it’s her thigh the techs are aiming at.
D: She wants to scratch her face.
A: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes.
D: But her cheek has an itchy spot.
A: She can just let it itch. She doesn’t need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else.
D: Wow...that cheek is really itchy...
A: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliver’s smile...
D: How about a song?
A: Good idea!
D: How about... “Never going to give you up. Never going to let you down....”🎶
A: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! She’s in the middle of a treatment! You know that’s the only part she knows!
D: That’s okay. She’ll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and....
A: Don’t be so mean!
D: “Never going to give you up...🎶”
A: Stop it!
D: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it!
A: No, she didn’t.
D: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over....
A: She didn’t screw anything up!
D: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off!
A: That’s not how it works...
D: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor won’t get enough radiation.
A: They know what they are doing!
D: ...And it won’t shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg.
A: No! No! No! That’s not how any of this...
D: ...And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh.
A: Stop this right now!!
D: “Never going to give you up....🎶”
A: Stop!
D: “...never going let you down....🎶”
A: I’m not going to let you...
D: “Never going to give you up...🎶” .
Techs: Okay. That’s it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing?
Tammi: ...Oh, I’m fine.....
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell, she broke every bone in her body.
1 year later she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died
I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
If your butt hurts real bad put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
A guy walks into an AA meeting and ask for a road map.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.
Doctor approaches a patient in Hospital and says, "I have some good news and bad news."
So the patient says, "What is the bad news?" the Doctor replies, "I have had to amputate both your legs." So the patient says, "Well, what is the good news?" The Doctor replies, "I have found someone to buy your slippers."
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
Why can't depressed people leave the maze?
Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What's the good news? "We managed to save his arm." "What's the bad news?" "We couldn't save the rest of him."
